in my mind

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This video was posted on my blog before. It’s by Amanda Palmer; an amazingly creative, courageous and authentic artist. She lives her life for her, but in doing so gives back to so many. It’s an interesting way that works. She is also not afraid of profanity, so if you are…you have been warned.

I will also include the song lyrics below. It’s one of those songs that to me, is a reminder of the never-ending evolution we go through as human beings. The dreams we have for ourselves that we sometimes don’t chase, the challenges we allow ourselves to face so that we are grow as people, and the little things we try to change about ourselves on the quest for becoming what we think we should become for whatever reason we think it. And the realization that this is who we are and that’s just how it should be.

Since I took a long hiatus from blogging, I was going back through some of my earlier posts and rediscovered this video. Upon reading that post again I see that I was searching for the same things then as I am now. The difference is that I am not just searching for them passively at this point. I have thrown caution to the wind and have theoretically walked off the precipice and am seeing what awaits below. It’s such a freeing feeling.

Where will I be 5 years from now?
Who knows.
 Do I have a 5 year plan?
That would be a negative, Ghost Rider.
 Am I OK with that?
Absolutely.

love,
~e

Here are the lyrics to”In My Mind” by Amanda Palmer:

                                       

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I’m a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I’m in
And I will be someone I admire
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I’ve just forgotten how
To see
That I’m not exactly the person that I thought I’d be
And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I’ve become in-control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never fucking-up anything
And I’ll be a good defensive driver
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I’ve just forgotten how
To see
That I’ll never be the person that I thought I’d be
And in my mind
When I’m old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I’m so busy with everything
That I don’t look at anything
But I’m sure I’ll look when I am older
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
That that’s not what I want
But that’s what I wanted
That I’d be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don’t want to be the person that I want to be
And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren’t really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I’ll start pounding the lid
Saying, “I haven’t finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get,
It says, ‘I’m living in the moment'”
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn’t all that funny
That I’ve been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it’s funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it’s funniest of all
To think I’ll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be
Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be
 

 

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