Monthly Archives: July 2014

jesus lives in ohio

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Earlier this week my phone rang mid-day. It was a call from my Dad. Now, it’s important to understand that my Dad isn’t really much of a phone-talker. He will chat for a minute or two if I’m calling, but calls from Dad have generally been reserved for bad news. Mom calls to chat and catch-up and Dad calls to let you know that the cat has died. It’s just how it has worked for us.

So the phone ringing mid-day with Dad’s picture coming up on the screen brought a whirlwind of thoughts about what tragedy had befallen the family. I answer the phone with dreaded anticipation.

me: Hello…

dad: Have you talked to your sister today?

me: (heart racing) No…which sister? What’s going on??

dad: Your older sister

[At this point I am about to throw up in my mouth. I think to myself: What has happened? Stop delaying this! PLEASE TELL ME NOW!! I CAN TAKE IT! I CAN HANDLE IT! JUST TELL ME!!]

dad: (with a slight chuckle) So, today your niece went to Vacation Bible School, and they were talking about that Jesus lives in your heart.

me: Um…Ok….

(at this point my blood pressure is heading back into the safe zone since it seems that everyone has survived whatever it is he needs to tell me)

dad: So when she got home, her Mom asked her what she learned today at VBS

(dad begins laughing and it is actually a bit hard to understand what he is saying)

me: Um…OK….

dad: Well, she told you sister  that she learned that “Jesus lives in OHIO!”

(dad is still laughing and has to pause to regain his composure)

dad: I guess she misunderstood them when they told her Jesus lives in your heart and she thought they said he lives in Ohio!

  (dad is officially cracking up at this point…and so am I)

I can only image my sweet niece sitting there wondering why does Jesus live in Ohio? Oh, well…if that’s where he wants to live, then more power to him!

The pure laughter and joy that was brought about by that phone conversation may not translate well in this post, but that’s OK. This was just one of those times in life where the innocence of children, the joy of laughing, and the importance of family was so pure and awesome, that I wanted to share it.

So remember as you go about on you Sunday, that wherever you are….Jesus lives in Ohio.

~e

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cat people, unite!

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Cat people UNITE! It is time for all the cat-loving single women to no longer be referred to as “crazy cat ladies”. It seems that anyone with more than one or two cats is left to live with the Scarlet C for the rest of their lives. Although I am only a 2 cat household, I have been warned of the peril that will befall me if I choose to add to my cat family.

Living in awesome Austin, Texas it doesn’t take long to realize that this is a dog’s town. You can take your dog to the numerous parks in the city, you can take them to many restaurants and there are even bars that are dog friendly.

Now, don’t get me wrong.I am not anti-dog. Not even a bit! I grew up with dogs and am a wonderful dog “aunt” to one of my best friend’s dog. Who, I have to say is the most bad-ass dog around!  Exhibit A:IMG_1289

I also think it would be quite interesting frightening to see cats at a restaurant or in a bar. Jumping on the tables and knocking over your drinks, trying to claw up your leg to lazily sprawl out on top of the hanging rack of stem ware while giving you dirty looks for bringing them to this abysmal place.  I know cat’s aren’t meant to be taken anywhere. It’s enough to get them to the vet (which requires ninja like skills to get them into the carrier, followed by the sounds of 10,000 dying angels all the way to the vet’s office).

I’m just asking for you to consider, that labeling people who have a few cats as crazy, might not be a fair conclusion. I think it is more appropriate to just name them what they are. Cat people. Or people who have cats as pets. See, that was easy!

I mean, look at that face in the picture at the top of this post! How could you pass up that cuteness? Well… I didn’t pass up that cuteness. And there were 2 of them, brothers. So I HAD to adopt both of them!  Although Henry (the cuteness above) is now a full-grown 11lb man-cat. Here he is with his precious brother, Huck, now a 12lb man cat).

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and here is one more:

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Can you IMAGINE having to break up these two brothers just to avoid the possible life-long stigma of being called a “crazy cat lady”?  If you have even an inkling of a soul, I am thinking the answer is “NO WAY!” Here is what would be missing in my life if I only had one cat:

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 Um…..

O.K…..

I see your point.

I may have become a crazy cat lady.

Never mind.

~e

plus size…like it’s a bonus.

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Being fat has its challenges. I am working on becoming healthier, which I know will lead to me being less fat. I have been fat for most of my life and all of my adult life. I have been various “levels” of fat, but I have embraced that I have total control over it and that it is going to take time to get healthy and lose some weight.

My beef (no pun intended) isn’t about me being fat. That’s my problem and I’m working on it. What I still do not understand is why are all clothes for fat/big people given such absurd names?!? I will share with you the names and why I find them absurd. Here’s my list:

  1. Plus Size– It is a bonus? Plus what? Yes, it is a larger size but an 8 is bigger than a 6, so shouldn’t an 8 be a 6+2? I do not understand.
  2. Full Figured-O.K., yes, my figure is full. But the figure of a skinny person is not empty. Their figures are full too, just not as full.
  3. Women’s Sizes– I know for a fact that I was fat a long time before I was a “woman”. Plus, my Mom is a woman and if she shopped in the “women’s” department she would look like she was wearing a tent.
  4. Sized for “Real” Women– So does that mean my sisters, who probably wear a size 6 or 8, are not real? I mean I was just visiting with both of them this past weekend and I’m pretty sure they are real.

I know that clothes that fit me are outside the sizes that all the designers design for. I know that they label these sizes with names so that those of us who need to find them in the store can find them with some ease [even though we are usually sequestered to the 3rd floor in the far back corner of the big department stores…usually behind the luggage and/or home appliances].

I am not a “fat acceptance” advocate, I am an all people advocate. Regardless of your size, weight, wine preference, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, left or right-handedness, etc. I think you should not be labeled and sent off to a special department because of this.

I think that is time that these “specialty” departments become a thing of the past.

I am a realist in the understanding that not all clothes should be made for all sizes. You will never see me cramming my big old ass into a pair of skinny jeans. More power to anyone who wants to, it’s just not my thing. I know that many designers find fat people repulsive. That is their loss. We have money to spend too, so if you don’t want us in your clothes we will spend our money elsewhere. But that really isn’t my point.

Really, what I’m trying to say is that we all need to be able to shop in the same stores on the same department store floor with each other, regardless of the size jeans we need. A first step would be to move these bigger sizes to a space on the same floor as all the other women’s clothes. We, as women, have enough to deal with… as we are inundated with airbrushed perfection at every turn. The least we could do is be OK shopping with each other, regardless of our jean size.

It’s got to start somewhere.

Why not here?

Just a thought.

~e

 

 

is rigor mortis possible when you’re still alive and can it be caused by swimming in a neti pot?

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I think my muscles have pulled away from my bones, my joints have locked, and I don’t think my neck will turn from side to side without some WD-40. I am making a huge assumption that this is what rigor mortis would feel like.  What’s weird is that I’m actually enjoying this feeling!

You see, when your body aches with soreness from spending the day throwing your two nieces in the air, catching them as they belly flop into the pool and having winning a diving contest with your two nephews; this is a ache worth having. My face hurts too, from smiling and laughing so much. I got the best core workout from trying to balance on a “pool skateboard” and from laughing until my sides felt like they would split.

Yesterday was filled with family fun and my body is reminding me of this today. Moving my fingers to type this is about the only movement my body is making that looks natural. Walking, sitting, reaching for my coffee cup out of the cabinet; are all met with winces and cracking sounds followed by a sigh and a smile as the memories of yesterday flood my brain.

My sinuses are also clear today! We swam in a salt-water pool, which is basically like swimming in a Neti pot; a really awesome Neti pot! If you have never had the opportunity to swim in a salt water pool, I highly recommend it.  It’s like swimming in an ocean, minus all of the mysterious things at the bottom.

Yesterday was just one of those days that makes me realize, again, that the littlest things can be the most important things. One of the reminders that I am doing what I am meant to do.

I am

just.being.me.

I wish you a day of just being you. A really awesome day.

~e

 

in my mind

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This video was posted on my blog before. It’s by Amanda Palmer; an amazingly creative, courageous and authentic artist. She lives her life for her, but in doing so gives back to so many. It’s an interesting way that works. She is also not afraid of profanity, so if you are…you have been warned.

I will also include the song lyrics below. It’s one of those songs that to me, is a reminder of the never-ending evolution we go through as human beings. The dreams we have for ourselves that we sometimes don’t chase, the challenges we allow ourselves to face so that we are grow as people, and the little things we try to change about ourselves on the quest for becoming what we think we should become for whatever reason we think it. And the realization that this is who we are and that’s just how it should be.

Since I took a long hiatus from blogging, I was going back through some of my earlier posts and rediscovered this video. Upon reading that post again I see that I was searching for the same things then as I am now. The difference is that I am not just searching for them passively at this point. I have thrown caution to the wind and have theoretically walked off the precipice and am seeing what awaits below. It’s such a freeing feeling.

Where will I be 5 years from now?
Who knows.
 Do I have a 5 year plan?
That would be a negative, Ghost Rider.
 Am I OK with that?
Absolutely.

love,
~e

Here are the lyrics to”In My Mind” by Amanda Palmer:

                                       

In my mind
In a future five years from now
I’m a hundred and twenty pounds
And I never get hung over
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never minding what state I’m in
And I will be someone I admire
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I’ve just forgotten how
To see
That I’m not exactly the person that I thought I’d be
And in my mind
In the far-away here-and-now
I’ve become in-control somehow
And I never lose my wallet
Because I
Will be the picture of discipline
Never fucking-up anything
And I’ll be a good defensive driver
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I would be that person now
But it does not seem to have happened
Maybe I’ve just forgotten how
To see
That I’ll never be the person that I thought I’d be
And in my mind
When I’m old I am beautiful
Planting tulips and vegetables
Which I will mindfully watch over
Not like me now
I’m so busy with everything
That I don’t look at anything
But I’m sure I’ll look when I am older
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I could be that person now
That that’s not what I want
But that’s what I wanted
That I’d be giving up somehow
How strange to see
That I don’t want to be the person that I want to be
And in my mind
I imagine so many things
Things that aren’t really happening
And when they put me in the ground
I’ll start pounding the lid
Saying, “I haven’t finished yet,
I still have a tattoo to get,
It says, ‘I’m living in the moment'”
And it’s funny how I imagined
That I could win this win-less fight
Maybe it isn’t all that funny
That I’ve been fighting all my life
But maybe I have to think it’s funny
If I want to live before I die
And maybe it’s funniest of all
To think I’ll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be
Fuck yes
I am exactly the person that I want to be
 

 

a joyful life

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 Wow. I can’t believe it has been so long since my last post. Life has been an incredible journey over the last two years. Yes, it has been TWO YEARS since I have posted!

Life is a funny thing.

 In the last two months I have come full circle to things I had left behind during the last two years. I have come back to rediscover things that bring me joy, happiness, creative energy and peace. I have taken a big leap of faith that has brought about a kind of child-like joy that can only be felt and seen, but not described in a way to do it justice.

 I AM BACK!

 I feel more alive than I have felt in several years. My heart is full, I am creating some beautiful wrinkles on my face because I am smiling and laughing more than I have in a very long time. It’s interesting how we can lose ourselves in our lives. How our jobs become our world and how we sacrifice ourselves (our health, relationships, sense of self, etc…) for a paycheck to buy things that we don’t even have time to enjoy. A joyful life is what I have always been working on. I don’t search for it, I have to create it. Sometimes the creating of a joyful life makes many of those who love me a little bit nervous, but I am scrappy. I can figure it out and make ends meet. You see…when I am truly seeking a joyful life, through hard work, kindness and being true to myself; I create a life that is authentic, fulfilling and meaningful. A life worth living.

It is funny how life decides things for you when you can’t decide them for yourself. It is the small voice I have disregarded for a long time that lead to the unimaginable roar that I could no longer ignore. (it can also come in the form of a very knowledgeable and caring doctor showing you that your life is literally killing you quickly and if you (I) don’t get off this road you’re (I’m) on, life is going to end much sooner than you (I) want it to).
 
What is amazing is that when I finally embraced what that little voice (and my doctor) was telling me,  I had a feeling of relief, wonder and excitement wash over me; all the way down to my bones.  There is no more hesitation, second guessing or fear. There are fewer self-deprecating thoughts, feelings of anxiety or concerns about the future. It’s pretty damn awesome!

I am also aware that some of these feelings will come back at some point, but I am basking in the joy that I feel today. The joy that comes from making hard decisions that lead to a better life. The joy that comes from realizing that our days with those we love are numbered, and that we have more control over how we spend those days than most of us give ourselves credit for. The joy of realizing that I am the only one with the power to make the decisions that I must make to live the best life I can. 

So, going with the theme of this blog, a new phase has started! This isn’t a small phase, such as taking on a new hobby. This is the start of a life-changing phase. So, how big is this new phase? Well…

  •  I quit my job without having another one lined up (I’m scrappy and can figure it out!)
  • I have taken a month off and not looked for a job (I started my job search after my one month of unwinding, regrouping, and relaxing! )
  • I have been swimming laps 4-5 days a week (I have finally found an exercise I LOVE to do!)
  • I have FINALLY been following the expert advice of Marlene Merritt and have been eating healthy foods, given up all fast-foods, sodas and sugar….and that make me feel AWESOME! (she has been waiting for this day to come for over 5 years!)
  • I have made time for friends, family, reading, sleeping and anything else that brings me joy 

It’s a new phase. A big, awesome, exciting, delicious new phase. 

 love,
-e